Why Bride Price Will Never Be Abolished

When I hear people advocating for the abolition of bride price, I can’t help but laugh and think to myself, “How ignorant these people are!” Bride price cannot and should not be abolished because it did not originate with our generation. Rather, it has been a long-standing tradition that dates back to our ancestors. Even in the Holy Bible, many individuals paid bride prices as part of marriage customs.

Abraham’s servant paid a bride price for Rebekah on behalf of Isaac (Genesis 24:53). Jacob worked 14 years as a form of bride price for Rachel and Leah (Genesis 29:18-20). Shechem offered to pay any amount to marry Dinah (Genesis 34:12). David paid a bride price for King Saul’s daughter, Michal, by bringing 200 Philistine foreskins (1 Samuel 18:25-27). These biblical examples clearly show that bride price was a well-established practice, and it remains relevant today. No one can erase this custom, no matter how hard they try.

Many of those who advocate for the abolition of bride price are likely individuals cohabiting without formalising their union. Some men simply do not want to take responsibility and do what is right. However, they forget that “the measure you give will be the measure you receive.” A man who fails to pay the bride price for his wife should not expect to receive bride price for his daughters, for the land itself will bear witness against him.

I have heard countless real-life stories about this, but let me share just one striking example.

There was once a man who married his wife on credit—that is, he failed to pay her bride price and perform the necessary traditional marital rites. Together, they had four beautiful daughters and three sons. As the children grew up, the daughters met responsible men who were ready to marry them properly. However, before anyone could say “Jack,” the eldest daughter had already given birth to three children without a proper marriage ceremony.

This same pattern followed for all the daughters. Strangely, whenever the men tried to carry out the necessary traditional marital rites, something always hindered the process.

After much inquiry and spiritual consultation, it was revealed that their misfortune was caused by the failure of their father to pay their mother’s bride price. This shocking revelation provoked the daughters, and together with their brothers—who were yet to settle down—they contributed money and forced their father to go to their maternal home and do the needful.

Six months after their father finally fulfilled the marital obligations, their husbands were able to marry them properly, and their marriages were even blessed in their respective churches. However, out of guilt and remorse, their father refused to collect the bride price from his sons-in-law—perhaps as a way of atoning for his past mistakes. From that moment on, peace returned to their family, and everyone is now living happily.

Are you also aware that if you fail to do the needful before cohabiting with your woman, and she dies, in many parts of Nigeria, you must marry her corpse or face severe spiritual and physical consequences? Likewise, as a woman, if the man you’re calling your husband hasn’t properly married you, and he dies, you will be thrown out with shame, because his family will say, “We don’t recognise you because you were not properly married.”

At times, a woman in this situation has no say in her man’s family affairs because her bride price was never paid. Worse still, despite having children with you, he can legally and traditionally marry another woman properly, and she will be the only real wife recognised by both God and man.

Whatever you do today—whether right or wrong—as long as children are involved, it will directly or indirectly affect them.

As a man, if you refuse to pay the bride price, or as a woman, you allow a man to use you on credit, you might be setting yourself up for generational consequences. Tradition is not meant to be broken, especially when it is deeply rooted in history and supported by biblical teachings.

Let’s not be the reason our children and future generations suffer! Learn from the experiences of others.