Betrayal and the Burden of Unhealed Wounds

Everyone experiences life, whether in a positive or negative way. It is an unpredictable journey that unfolds in ways we never expect. Often, the people we trust the most end up inflicting the deepest wounds. On the other hand, those we least expect to stand by us during our darkest times may become our strongest pillars of support. This brings about an important question: Is it wrong to trust anyone? Is it a crime to love and trust blindly?

This takes me back to a time in my life when I was accepted into the Pre-degree Programme at Imo State University in Owerri (IMSU).

For those unfamiliar, a pre-degree programme in Nigerian universities is a one-year preparatory course. It acts as a bridge, enabling students who haven’t met the direct entry requirements through JAMB (UTME) to strengthen their academic foundation and gain admission.

Now, back to my story.

While studying in Owerri, I lived with a woman whom I called ‘Aunty’—not because we were related, but because, in Nigerian culture, younger individuals respectfully address much older people as ‘Aunty’ or ‘Brother’. My Aunty, who had gained admission in her late twenties, had a close friend (name withheld) who was in a long-term relationship with a man. This man, not a university graduate, had met my Aunty’s friend on her first visit to Port Harcourt, where she had gone to stay with her elder sister. As the story goes, when she arrived at the bus park, this man approached her, and the rest, as they say, became history.

This man went above and beyond for her. He bought her her first phone, SIM card, and paid for her WAEC, sponsored her through university at Imo State University, and provided financial and emotional support, all in anticipation of marriage after her graduation. However, one day, I overheard a conversation between my Aunty and her friend. My Aunty was advising her to change her lifestyle, as she was living as though she were single—frequenting clubs and engaging in affairs. That was when her friend confessed that she had no intention of marrying the man who had sacrificed so much for her because he was an ‘illiterate’. My Aunty urged her to be honest with him and end things properly, but she refused. Instead, right in front of me, she picked up her phone and asked him for one hundred thousand naira, insisting she needed it before the end of the week. The very next day, she returned to inform us that he had already sent the money.

Tragically, on the day of her graduation, the man travelled from Port Harcourt to Owerri to celebrate his future wife’s success. However, on his way along Elele Road, near Madonna University, his bus was attacked by armed robbers. They took everything he had. Back then, bank transfers were not in vogue, and ATM usage was still new, making it difficult for him to access funds. Stranded and helpless, he stood by the roadside, begging vehicles for assistance, but no one stopped. Eventually, a truck driver and his companion listened to his story and allowed him to ride in the back of their truck to Owerri. Unfortunately, it began to rain heavily, and he remained drenched throughout the journey.

Upon arriving in Owerri, the truck driver gave him two thousand naira, which he used to charter a taxi to his girlfriend’s house. However, nothing could have prepared him for what he was about to witness.

The door to her self-contained apartment was partially open, and as he stepped inside, he found her in bed with another man. His anguished scream startled them, and without hesitation, she pushed him out and locked the door behind him.

Heartbroken and humiliated, he wailed like a child, drawing the attention of other hostel residents. Someone who knew my Aunty quickly called her. When she arrived, she pleaded with him for a long time before finally convincing him to leave with her. He spent the night at her place and returned to Port Harcourt early the next morning.

Years later, he married another woman, while my Aunty’s friend has faced continuous disappointments in relationships—especially at the stage of bride price payment. She later sought forgiveness from her ex, convinced that her failed relationships were a result of karma. She even took him to various pastors and churches, begging him to bless her, but he maintained that he had never placed a curse on her.

However, a tragic consequence emerged from this experience. Although he has moved on, he confessed that he has never been able to trust any woman again—not even his wife, who has given him five children. Despite acknowledging that his wife is a good and kind woman, he admitted that he cannot love her the way a husband should.

This raises an important moral question: Does his wife deserve to suffer for the sins of another woman? And finally, what must be done for my Aunty’s friend to find a husband and finally settle down?

Life indeed has its twists and turns, but in the end, does holding on to pain ever truly set us free?